East Grove Blues

As many of you know and as I have stated time and again; I love my home. I love the trees, the rolling hills and the flat plains. I love the cricks, the springs and the rivers. Every time I come home from traveling I feel all those feelings and more. Its like Iowa is a fresh new place for me, full of wonder and mystery. After about six months I am usually ready to go somewhere new though. I can’t help myself. Its hard for me to stay in any one place for long before I feel a pull to see something new and exciting. It happened a lot in college. Staying in the states longer for a year made me antsy.

After traveling for a while I would feel a certain feeling though. You could call it the opposite of wanderlust. Its not really homesickness either. Its more of a need to return home and walk under the trees, to sit in the shop or to park myself next to a wood stove and read the day away.

Not counting times in Huntley that are vaguely remembered, I would say the first time I really felt it was in Wales. I had spent five wonderful months there, studying, hiking and any number of other activities. I was planning on staying a little longer after school, but an opportunity came for me to go home earlier. I jumped on it. The realization that I could be home was like a fire in my veins. I could think of nothing else.

The second time it happened I was living in Africa. I had just finished up most of my project and was seriously considering adding another year to my service. I liked my village and I liked what I was doing. I knew I could do a lot more if I stayed. I had a fairly serious relationship as well. Things were looking good. Then I realized that I could be home in a few months. Everything fell apart. I had no other desire. My relationship dissolved shortly there after. My heart was no longer in my body, it was residing in Iowa and waiting for my return. I enjoyed my last few months of service, but I just wasn’t really into it.

If you had asked me a month ago where I would be next year I would have told you, without a doubt, that I would be in Japan working as an English teacher. If you ask me now you will get a different answer. Saturday night I was laying in bed about to fall asleep, when I felt it. My heart raced and my mind went into over drive. My contract ends in March. I could be home in April. I couldn’t sleep, because I kept thinking of everything I could be doing. I feel hollow right now. Like my soul has already departed and is waiting for me in Iowa.

I am coming home for Christmas and I am staying for three weeks. I will learn then whether I will be coming back to Japan for another year or for a few short months. I think it could fall either way but I am leaning towards returning home. It feels like the right thing to do. Japan has been good to me and continues to do so, but I feel like its time for the next step. That could change during my vacation, but I wouldn’t bet on it.