East Grove Blues

I have stated before my dislike of labels, especially ones that I try to put on myself. I generally don’t like being labeled in one group or another by other people as well. It annoys me to only be considered by one name or attribute.

They say to name something is to make it.
Is it also true to name something is to destroy it?

I have been called many things in my life. Some of them have made me feel good and others made me feel awful. Most of those awful ones were deserved, which made me feel even worse. Yes I know I am terrible sometimes. We all can be, unless you believe Jesus was perfect. But even he was a dick sometimes. (Read the books and tell me otherwise!) I don’t want to use the ‘everyone else is too’ excuse, because that is lame. I am not perfect and I know it. I know it better than anyone else. Every time I hurt someone I feel the pain as well, and I tend to carry that pain for a while.

One name that has been given to me, from several people, I never really thought about much before. I didn’t feel sad or happy about it. It was more like, “huh? Really? Maybe…” The name/title/label has come back to me and it makes me think. Here is were you insert the silly title; some people call me a Dreamer. I will admit that I tend to day dream a lot. I did in high school and college, but didn’t everyone? Do I do it that much more? I spend a lot of time staring off into space and thinking, is that the same? Has people calling me that caused it to manifest itself into truthfulness? Should I dare pick up that mantle of dreamer?

I’ll be honest, at the moment I like the sound of it, and I like the idea behind it. Dreams are a surprisingly large part of my life right now. I fear though, if I flat out and say I am something, I will automatically destroy it. Even if it is a name I didn’t take on myself, but was given to me, if I take it for myself I will be condemning myself to inevitable failure. How do you fail at being a dreamer though?

It all seems so silly. Why on earth should I worry about such things? I will be who I am and that is unlikely to change. I think it’s best to let others make up their minds while I try to do the best that I can at what ever it is that I am doing at the moment. Yet, here I am debating myself over something I know will only frustrate me, for no other reason than that is what I was thinking about for the last few days. I think I need to stare at a candle for an hour or so.