East Grove Blues

I have had a very disturbing theme in my dreams lately. I am not sure exactly when it started, but I have confirmed it last night. At some point in the night I dream of being attacked and every time I get attacked I have to fight it off. Sometimes it is with guns and sometimes it is with knives. Either way I fight off my assailants. It is usually fairly graphic and sometimes bloody. I have never stabbed anyone but I could probably tell you what it feels like.

I don’t consider myself a violent person, so to be dreaming of it is a little weird for me. I am not sure what it all means yet, but I hope I do so I can dream of more pleasant things at night.

I have been a bit hesitant lately to write much after my last debacle. For a while I was posting changes/feelings and everything under the sun every single day. I feel like I was taking it too far so I have scaled back to safer things like dreams. Last nights dreams were wild though and I would not post them on the internet for casual reading.

I am waiting right now before I report in detail on my health and my sleeping patterns. In short they are slowly improving. I don’t want to say much more than that in case something horrible happens. I find that if I report one day that things are fine, than the next day they will go to hell and then I will feel like a liar. That makes me feel worse.

Mostly though I just spent to much time obsessing about myself and it’s every detail and not really enjoying life very much. I have said that before so I will leave it at that.

I really like food and I missed it greatly.

I just watched the movie Where the wild things are and I was thoroughly impressed.

The sound track was really well done. The acting was fantastic and the special effects were perfect. I don’t know how they did what they did but it was fantastic. It felt like I had walked into one of my own dreams.

It really makes you think about the different aspects of yourself and how you confront those or how you ignore them. It is a great way to illustrate the need of each person to sit back and see what they are doing and how they affect other people.

I think this is a great movie about childhood and what it means to really grow up. In such a short time you can really watch the kid mature as he sees the consequences of his actions.

I also think this is a great children’s movie. It has adventure, imagination and danger. More importantly it was smart, mind blowingly so. If you haven’t seen it already then I would recommend it. I wish they had more children’s movies at this level.

I had two separate tsunami dreams in the same night. One had me escaping from a prison camp with some Peace Corps friends after the wave hit and the other had me driving around on top of a hill waiting for the tsunami to hit. After it hit I helped clean up a bit and move people to higher ground.

Last night I was in a strange land and I was going to some special place. My friends and I get waylaid by demons. We are trapped and can not escape. One of the demons and I fall in love. She tells me how to escape and then helps us to escape.

I am in the pool I visit in Japan, but it is smaller. I am with many friends from high school and we are joking around. An old crush comes and starts acting weird around me. I ask her what is going on, but she won’t tell me. We go to my house in Huntley. There she tells me that she has broken up with her boy friend and confesses he love for me. I am very happy and we hug and talk. We go to her house and have a party. We play music, but with instruments that I don’t know how to play.

I either wake up in real life or that of the dream and then start dreaming again. I am at a party, but now I am in what I think is Africa. I am surrounded by peace corps volunteers. I visit some horse people. They are being controlled by lizard men. The general tells me of an attack on Madagascar that will lead to the take over of all of South Africa.

I had some interesting dreams last night:

I am in Huntley/unknown river bank. There is a problem with some Egyptian type characters changing their rituals from old to new.  The new ritual connects people with the earth and the king. The old ritual has the king dominating the people. The proponents of the old try to come back and take over. They do it through lies and trickery.  They try to heat up the world with bottles of salt water/algae in the ocean.

My second dream I wouldn’t comment on, but this has happened twice now so I thought it was worth remembering. In the dreams I kiss an old girl friend/or acquaintance then talk. They always have a boy friend and in the dream I am alright with just being friends, but they usually feel guilty for kissing me. It is never a passionate kiss, just a peck on the lips.

I can kind of make out the first dream, but the second one is beyond me. I have no idea what it might mean or implicate.

I am near the Power’s Rd house. I decide to take a walk to Huntley. I take a young calf with me. The calf becomes tired and wanders off. I can’t find it. Molly shows up and she comes with me to 47, but then I loose her as well. I press on towards Huntley thinking that my animal companions will be there. I reach the outskirts but there are many buildings and trees that I don’t recognize. I look around for the animals but can’t find them. I give up and head back towards my house. I find my animal friends near 47 and Powers Road. They are together and we have a happy reunion.

I am outside of the A-frame. I decide to go on a grand adventure. A leprechaun type creature accompanies me. The creature seems like an evil thing, but it helps me if I need it. It always reminds me that it will demand payment at the end. I am riding a wagon and fall off. The leprechaun catches me and sets me down. We continue on by walking. I have many other adventures until we reach two huge doors. We enter into them and walk into a large room where we are judged. The evil creature becomes pitiable in-front of the judgement and needs my help. It changes into many different forms that seem sad to me. I pardon it and we leave together, but I am now free of the creature.

After a some very interesting dreams and a thorough cleaning of the system this morning I am feeling much better. In fact I feel pretty amazing. My energy levels are back and I have a general feeling of euphoria that is not that common. It’s like I had a cold yesterday and felt horrible, and today the cold is gone and I feel like I could conquer the world.

I had a much needed night by myself last night. I got a little walk in and I did some internet research. The research was fruitful and has helped me in my my mood and well being. The internet is such an amazing tool, but like all tools it can be dangerous. I have to remind myself of that so I don’t get carried away by someones opinions that are not actually based in facts. That is part of the reason I got carried into the mess physically that I am.

This is my current theory and is subject to change. It seems that I trained to long and to hard, like three to five hours everyday to hard. I upset a careful balance and I am paying for it now. I worked so hard that it is likely that I was deficient in many vital vitamins and nutrients. That is not a good way to stay healthy, and I didn’t. I am attempting to reverse the effects with better diet and proper exercise. It might be a while before I run for two and half hours again. A half hour yes, an hour maybe, but no longer. It’s not needed and it does more harm than good. Sometimes it takes a whamping for us to know our limits. I have repeated this process more times than I would care to admit.

There are some things on the emotional side as well, but I am not willing to go into those until after I work through them. As seriously as I take them, it shouldn’t effect my everyday mood or how I will act towards people. I tend to keep my demons to myself until I can work ‘em out. I am sure they will find a way out here after a while, but I am not ready for that kind of openness or what it might mean.

I had some cool dreams last night that really helped to identify a lot of the issues I am/need to work with over the next couple of months. I don’t know what it is about my dreams but them seem awfully prophetic to me. Perhaps I am reading into them to much, but anything that can help me be a healthy stable individual is welcome.

I have Yoga tonight and that always makes me feel better. If I feel any better I might just start dancing.

I am playing a strange game of soft ball between the big house and my grandparents house. There are several player’s and we are trying to see who can hit the furthest. Some of the others have trained harder, but I am able to hit it the furthest. As we congregate outside the shop to drink beer my lower body becomes like clouds or mist. The more I drink the less of me there is. Like it is draining out of me.

I realize that my true body lies in the timber so me and a group of people set out down the gravel road. We encounter various problems along the road and by the time I get to the A-frame I am the only one left.

I enter a building/cave and there I feed some invisible force. It is sucking the life out of me. I find a way to see what is taking my spirit and realize there are several demons that tried to disguise themselves as angels. I fight them off, but they are strong. A man comes to the window of the room I am in and at first I think he is the enemy, but he is there to help. He comes with many kinds of dogs. The enter the room and then we all escape together.

I had a fairly interesting dream again last night:

It started out in a space ship but ended up in some strange world/place that I have never been before. Myself and others are fighting off aliens. Not just any aliens, but the ones from the Alien movie. They attack and we fight them off or run away. Eventually it is me fighting off one Alien. At this point it is like a movie. I feel like I should give up and let the Alien get me, but that pisses me off, so I take two chairs, one in each hand, and bludgeon the Alien to death. It tries to get me, but I just keep hitting it until it stops moving.

I have had several fighting dreams like this the last few months. I like to think it is my subconscious telling me I will make it through any troubles and come out on top.

It could have to do with the fact that I am fasting today and it is an internal battle of will to not eat. These days are always interesting and I will have more to say about it at the end of the day.